I’m Back!

I’m back! Bet you thought you seen the last of me! – Or whatever Emma Roberts says in ‘American Horror Story.’

Yes, yes, I took a long hiatus away from my computer, writing, and life in general. Then something great happened- or maybe someone great happened! My absolutely amazing boyfriend bought me a brand new computer! My motivation didn’t come from the gift itself but the fact that he believes in me and supports me in doing what I love. In the past In the past I lacked that support. From my family and past partners I have had boyfriends who never even read my newspaper articles, even after asking them multiple times. This one just knows what I love to do and wants to help contribute to my happiness. Having just one person believe in me has giving me all the courage I have needed.

Okay, cooling it with the sappy “my boyfriend’s the best” stuff and onto my life after college. Wow it’s been one full year and here I am, still missing the roar of the dorms, the laziness of Wednesday, and the craziness of those second floor library study rooms. On the flip side I can’t stop thinking about my future and who I will be. I am stuck in this limbo of wanting to go back and wanting to move forward and never appreciating the present, and I’m sure many folks in their twenties and even thirties know exactly what I’m talking about.

This blog is a place for me to get all of that craziness out of my system, to express these feelings and to hopefully help and connect with others feeling the same way. But it’s not all business on here, this is supposed to be fun because what’s the point of doing something that you’re not enjoying? Honestly, life is long but life can be short, I’m not wasting this time doing something I don’t enjoy (minus that whole waking up for work thing).

Now that I have successfully ranted… enjoy the blog and don’t hesitate to talk!

PS: Enjoy my handsome puppy because I didn’t know what header photo to use 🙂

Where Do I Fit?

I did the internships.  I did the study abroad.  I did the clubs.  Why is it still not enough?

I have been searching all the career sites, Google, Indeed, LinkedIn, all of them! And yet I still do not seem to have the experience needed for an entry level job! How is that possible?

I read an article that said the job requirements were introduced during the recession when employers had to weed out most candidates because of the surplus of applicants.  The article said companies are now choosing to throw out their requirements due to low unemployment numbers.  Well come on Tampa Bay! Throw away those job requirements for entry level jobs!

Maybe I’m being too picky because I know I am more than the jobs that only require a high school diploma.  And I want a job with benefits.  And make enough to afford that cute little bunny of mine.  But at the same time I don’t want to sell myself short.

There has got to be other recent graduates out there feeling the exact same way as me.  And I know we’ll all get through this confusing time together.

Nostalgia’s a Killer

It’s that time of year again, when everyone is road tripping back to their college campus to kick off Welcome Week.  I’ve been receiving the Snapchats all day, people making the yearly pilgrimage back to the holy land of beer bongs and football games.  And here I am, lying in my bed in the same oversized t-shirt listening to Death Cab for Cutie hoping to get the job, a job, ANY job.

Clichés are clichés for a reason.  College truly was the greatest four years of my life.  The random Wednesday night dorm parties, dancing the night away on Fridays, piecing it all back together at the winery the next day, and the late night study sessions that turned into Chinese takeout parties in the library.  College was the best of times… but it was also the worst of times.

That’s the thing about nostalgia, you tend to forget the bad times which elevates all the good times making you believe you’re leaving your life behind.  I know I cried trying to finish a 30 page paper, I FaceTimed my mother daily to see my her and my pets faces, I endured two heartbreaks, and let’s not forget all the times I was called a slut just because of the sports team I was on.  But I don’t remember all of this, not the same way I remember laying in bed swigging wine and laughing with my three best friends who stumbled into my room one night or the way it felt to be held by the boy I was with.  I can still feel the cold, sweet wine traveling through my body, the ache of my abs from laughter, and the feel of his warm hand on my cheek as he kissed me.  I can’t feel the tears or the stress.

Nostalgia’s a killer because it makes you believe the best is behind you.  When really the best hasn’t even begun.  I’m only 22, I have at least three more heartbreaks in me, a hundred first dates to go on, and countless nights at friends houses drinking wine and eating Ben & Jerry’s while gossiping about the Bachelorette.

Nostalgia may be bringing me down today just like many recent graduates but we will all get through this.  We can’t live the next 80 years reminiscing about the time we snuck into the bar at 19.

It’s Okay to Leave

That’s what my professor would always tell us in class about jobs.  We’re young and in our twenties and no one stays in one job or career field forever anymore anyway.  We can always start over.

Well hopefully this is true because I lasted three weeks and said ‘Nope, this a’int my bag!’

The job sucked.  And yes I know every job at 21 is going to suck but this one really sucked.  We sat in Sam’s Club selling products to customers for eight hours a day.  I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was dumb and was probably a college drop out but here’s the thing, I graduated in four years with two degrees and cum laude, I’m smarting than half the people shopping there.

I understood if you put the work in for a year and got to ownership you could make some good money but I’m not selling my soul for an extra 50K.  And my conscious is way too big to make anyone go through what I went through there.

Bottom line is that I won’t be good at something I have no passion for and passion is not part of their mantra.  I can’t be around people that ONLY care about money and trust me I love money, I love traveling and all my purses are Michael Korrs but come on there is more to life than money.  There’s traveling for service and helping animals.  Things that truly matter in life and are good for the soul and not just the looks.

While in Sam’s one day I did have a nice conversation with a man that said there are three parts to keeping a healthy body and lifestyle.  Most people think there’s just two: physical health and mental health.  But people forget about the soul.  You need to keep your soul healthy to keep the rest in tact.

That hit me hard because this was not fulfilling to the soul.  I’m 21 I should be out partying on the weekend and taking time off to fly to London to see my best friend (possibly in love with) and spending time with my bunny instead of working all day everyday!

I told my friend (the aforementioned love) and he helped me through it saying ‘there’s a difference between working hard and working yourself into the ground.’  Everyone needs some time to theirselves and time for their soul.  I want to volunteer at the shelter on my days off but when you get literally zero days off that’s a little hard.

Anyway I’m 21, a recent college grad, and recently employed and even more recently unemployed.  And THAT’S OKAY.  We’re all just trying to get through this crazy thing we call life.  People say life is short, but it’s the longest thing any of us will ever experience, we might as well spend our time doing something we care about and are PASSIONATE about.

Why I Am Here

Currently I am sitting by the pool of my parents vacation house writing my first blog post with only $11.57 in my checking account.  Why did I find the need to say this?  Because I feel as if there are a lot of us twenty-something year olds in this position of transferring over from living the good life of college with our parents money to back us to graduating, getting a shitty job, and not know what to do.

We’re at this awkward point in our lives where we were all so excited to finally graduate and have our own lives so we graduated but now what?  We’re supposed to be living these fabulous, instagram worthy lives with our significant others and getting proposed to and all of these things you see on TV but in reality no ones life is fabulous.   But no one tells us it’s okay to be lost and newly single and still grieving the heart break and broke and living your worst life.

So I am here to show you all my shitty post grad life living in a mansion while working a shitty job and living off old boxes of pasta my mom stored here about 5 years ago.  BUT IT’S OKAY! And I know there’s a lot more of you out there just like me because honestly, who actually gets a good job out of college???